All In

I've been doing a lot of thinking, praying, journaling, stewing, and (let's be honest) navel-gazing about a particular question as of late.

I'm just over one year into being a pastor. When I started in August 2008, basically the question I asked every day was, "How in the heck do I do this job? How do I be a pastor?" And as the year has gone by I've learned some answers to that question, but have also discovered, somewhat to my dismay, that the more I learn, the more I HAVE to learn. The more answers I unearth, the deeper and more profound the questions get.

The question that has been plaguing my conscious as of late is not, "How do I do this job?" but rather, "How do I WANT to do this job? What KIND of pastor do I want to be?"

Pastoral ministry, I am discovering, can like attempting to be a professional plate-spinner than I ever knew. You get one plate spinning on it's stick and then you move to another... and another... and another.

Until you realize that your first plate is slowing down- "Holy crap! There's no water in the baptismal! Run quick, before the baptism! Whew... crisis averted."

And other plate wobbles... "What's that you say? A quasi-crazy lady just asked to hold the babies in the nursery? BRB."

All while 19 other plates are still going strong... "To Do This Week: Write sermon. Go to 3.5 lunch/coffee dates. Attend committee meetings. Plan Bible study for Tuesday, develop curriculum for winter, envision mission opportunities for the future, write approximately 92 emails, wash, rinse, repeat. Oh, and be ready at any moment for something or someone to come in and totally upend your to-do list for the week."

Basically, what I am discovering is that there are myriads of options for how I COULD spend my time and energy. But not all, probably not even MOST of it, is what got me into pastoral ministry in the first place.

So because my dad is wise and all-knowing, and because I want to call him pretty much everyday to talk through ministry issues, I am trying to follow his advice for figuring this whole thing out. He encouraged me to make a list every day... to write down the thing(s) that were Life-Giving that day and the thing(s) that sucked life away. And after a few months, to look back at that list and see what really gave me life. That list would provide a pretty good picture, a clearer answer to the question, "What kind of pastor do I want to be?"

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, which (sad to say) is not an unusual occurrence for me anymore. And my normal routine consists of tossing and turning a bit, whining a bit more, feeling sorry for myself for a mo, and eventually falling back asleep. Sometimes I sing a song over and over in my head just to distract my brain from thinking too much. (True confession: the chart topping hit of 2008 is probably gonna be "Jesus Loves the Little Children." I have no idea why, but singing that song over and over again lulls me to sleep like nothing else can. "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight...")

Okay, so back to last night. Last night, I woke up. Normal. But instead of following my normal routine, I began to pray. This wasn't so much a choice. My head and my heart just kind of went for it of their own volition and I followed along. I prayed for my husband. I prayed for my church. And I prayed for the ministry God has called me to do there. And somehow in the midst of all my praying, a phrase popped into my head and hasn't left since. "All In." That's what I heard in the middle of the night. "All In."

I've been thinking about it all day. I took it as a blessing and an exhortation as I preached about the resurrection this morning. I didn't hold back. But I think it means more than that. As I seek God's guidance and wisdom to figure out what kind of pastor I want to be, what kind of pastor HE wants me to be, I think there is some wisdom in "All In."

Being a pastor is a strange vocation. When people ask what you do, you get nervous to answer because you never know what their reaction is going to be. I get embarrassed. Ashamed. And because I feel nervous about what people will think of me, whether they will think I'm a cheesy, crazy, fundy, nerdy Christian, I tend to downplay all of it. "Sure, I'm a pastor, but I am also fun and normal and... what's that over there?" Changing the subject as quick as I can, I try to turn the spotlight off of me, lest the conversation go deeper and I really have to say something about what got me into this calling in the first place.

But I think that's not the kind of pastor I want to be. I want to be a pastor (scratch that) I want to be a Christian who is all in. Yes, I want to be normal and funny and cool, but I want more than that.

I want to be all in. I want to be okay with the fact that I live and die for Jesus Christ and His people.

I want to be all in. I want to love the people in my church with complete abandon.

I want to be all in. I want to do ministry with my eyes and ears open to where God is already at work and to join in what He's doing in people's lives.

Whatever that means, whichever plates I keep spinning and which ones I let fall, I have no idea... but I know this. I want to be all in.

Our house is WARM!

It's official. Our house is now definitely, officially, completely our home.

Not only because have we done minor damage to it already.


Not simply because we've repainted a room or two. Not even because we've unpacked more boxes and hung pictures on the walls. This house is our home now because we invited people into it.

On Friday night, we had a House-Warming/Blessing Open House. We invited lots of people from both Dave's and my churches and random friends from around town. We even got a lovely surprise visit from some friends from Indiana!

What a great night we had. It was CRAZY, no doubt. There were some moments that I wondered if fire-code laws apply to private homes. Had there been a fire, I'm not sure any of us could have made it out our 2 small doors! But it was so fun and so fulfilling to get to open our doors to friends, to serve them food and wine, and to simply enjoy their company.

At the height of the party, Dave and I invited people to join with us in officially blessing the house. Dave wrote an awesome prayer of blessing, in which we read 3 Scripture passages, each one representing the variety of hopes we have for this house.

As a prayer of thanksgiving for the incredible GIFT of this house, we read from Isaiah:
But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy....They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.

As a prayer for hospitality, a reading from Romans:
Welcome one another, then, just as Christ has welcomed you, in order to bring praise to God,

As a prayer for friendship, Acts...
Then Paul went upstairs, and after he had broken bread and eaten, he continued to converse with them until dawn; then he left.

And as a prayer for peace, the Psalms...
The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.

It was such a gift to be able to invite people from our communities to join us in asking God's blessing on this house in this way. For these are truly the prayers of my heart for this house... I am SO thankful to God for it! Truly, it felt like God dropped the perfect house into our laps. And I want so much for it to be a place of welcome and hospitality and friendship. Food is one of my love-languages, I think. And in what can sometimes feel like a chaotic windstorm that we call "being pastors," I pray that our home would indeed be a place of peace and respite and rest for all who enter... especially US!

PS- Our Indiana friends have vouched for the guestroom. It's comfy! And it's open! Come bless our house some more with YOUR presence therein!

I like...

I like waking up the morning, thinking it's going to be rainy and gross, only to be surprised by clear skies and a pink sunrise, which means that I get to go on a run in the crisp fall air instead of the gym.
I like running past the local bakery and drooling over the Bear Claws inside, but having the self-control to keep running.
I like talking about other people "behind their backs" when the content of our conversation is how amazing that person is and how cool it is to watch what God's doing in their life.
I like that I get paid to read about, talk to, think about, angst over, and love God and people all day long.
I like living in a house that feels like a home.
I like that it's the end of a very long work-week.
I like the look my husband gets in his eyes when I can tell he really, really loves me.
I like losing the aforementioned self-control to a plate of fresh sugar cookies and a can of Cream Cheese frosting.
I like that we have friends with whom we can lounge in front of the TV, eat too many cookies and laugh about the most ridiculous things.
I like that we have a good life.
I like my life.

There's a tent in the center of town...

This last Sunday we had our Fall Kickoff and it was a BLAST! We planned an outdoor worship service on the church's lawn (for which the weather was PERFECT, thank you Jesus). I preached, the choirs sang and we had a baptism and communion. Awesome.

Since we were outside, there's no recording for this one for pastorbecca'spodcast. Sorry, adoring fans (aka Mom). The text will hafta do for now....


"I Believe"
Pastor Becca Bruner
First Presbyterian Church of Normal
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Mark 9:14-29
s.d.g.

I want you to try a little experiment with me: start a sentence in your minds with the words “I believe…” and then finish it with something deeply heartfelt. It is hard NOT to feel moved. All humans share a need to declare our deeply held beliefs, our own personal “credos,” if you will.

Sometimes our credos are homespun, folksy and heart-warming: “I believe everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten.” Sometime our credos are silly. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, “Everyone has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”

Sometimes we look for designer beliefs that, like designer labels, will show how cool we are. A recent issue of US Weekly quoted Jennifer Aniston’s saying, “I still believe in love.”

And then there are the great beliefs, beliefs that people have devoted their lives to studying, beliefs that they have argued about and exulted in and sacrificed over and died for. The Apostles’ Creed, which we will be preaching on for the next 10 weeks, contains some of those GREAT beliefs.

HISTORY OF THE CREED

The English word “creed” comes from the Latin verb “credo,” which means “I believe.” The earliest Christian creed on record was simply, “Jesus is Lord”. Anyone who made that declaration was considered to be a Christian. But over time, it became necessary to explain in greater detail what the statement “Jesus is Lord” fully meant. What did Christians believe about God the Father? And the Holy Spirit? And the Church? By about the 4th Century, a list of answers to those questions came into common use: what we know call “The Apostles’ Creed.” It’s kind of a misnomer, as it was not written by “the Apostles” per se, but nonetheless this creed has been recognized by all Christians, across all denominational lines, as the basic core of Christian belief. For centuries, the Apostles’ Creed was the primary text used to instruct new believers in the basics of the Christian faith as they prepared for their baptism.

PURPOSE OF THE CREED

So why study the creed now? What difference does knowing and understanding it make in our lives today? I can think of a couple good reasons.

The first is that the Apostles’ Creed provides a brief summary of the Christian faith. It’s “Christianity-concentrate.” And I think that all of us could use some buffing up on the basics. A few years back, a team of researchers conducted a study on the religious beliefs of teenagers. After conducting over 3,000 interviews, they discovered that the “religion” these teens professed could be labeled “Benign Whateverism.” You could believe whatever you want- as long as you were a nice person and you felt good about yourself. Many of these teens claimed to be Christians, but had no idea about the history or doctrines of their chosen “faith.” That’s what the creed is for- teaching us the basic foundations of orthodox Christianity. It’s not a substitution for personal faith, mind you. You don’t become a Christian by simply reciting a creed; you become a Christian by putting your faith in Jesus Christ. But it helps to know in your head what you believe in your heart. The Apostles’ Creed supplies us with some of that content.

The second reason to study the Apostles’ Creed is that it allows us to recognize and avoid inadequate or incomplete versions of Christianity. Throughout the centuries, there have been a myriad of voices claiming to tell the truth about who Jesus Christ really was. The Da Vinci Code has its view; as do the Mormons, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and a variety of New Age religions. The Apostles’ Creed gives us a standard against which to test these teachings. It says, “For the last 2 centuries, Christians have believed these specific things to be true about Jesus.” You can choose to believe whatever you want; but the Apostles’ Creed says that if you want to call yourself a Christian, here is what that means.

I BELIEVE

You’ll notice, if you read through the Apostles’ Creed in your bulletins, one key phrase that gets repeated a few times over: “I BELIEVE.” I believe. What does that mean? What does it mean to say, “I believe in God the Father? I believe in Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the church?”

Well first off, to say, “I believe” is to give your intellectual assent. It means believing that certain things are real and true. To say, “I believe in God” means “I believe there is God,” or “I am of the opinion that God exists.” This is an essential starting point. After all, before we can begin to say anything about what God is like, we need to assume that there is a God in the first place.

To say, “I believe” is to give your intellectual assent. Faith is a pursuit of truth. It is engaging in study and asking tough questions. And the Apostles’ Creed provides a foundation for the search.

I went to a Christian liberal arts college out in Seattle. And in my 2nd year there, I took a class with a Bible professor who was famous for his penchant for delighting in challenging his students’ preconceptions about the Bible. I remember leaving his classroom one more than one occasion, reeling with these new and difficult ideas about where the Bible came from, how we know it’s true, and what it actually says, if you take the time to read it. One day, it all got to be too much. All these new and, frankly quite troublesome facts were being thrown at me, and I wasn’t sure WHAT I believed anymore. When class was over, I went straight back to my dorm room, locked myself inside and started to pray. And the words that came to my mind at that moment were the words to this creed…

I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only son, our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried. He descended into hell. The third day he rose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of God the Father Almighty. From there he shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit; the holy Catholic Church; the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting.

I offered those words to God as a prayer. And in that moment I knew that as long as I had this Creed to hold on to, as long as I knew these words were true, I could handle wrestling with these new ideas because I knew that in the Apostles’ Creed, I had a strong foundation to stand on.

That’s the starting point of faith: “I believe God is.” But that’s not all there is. The Creed says, “I believe IN…” That goes a step beyond simple assent. When I declare that, “I believe in Jesus Christ,” I am not just saying that there once was a man named Jesus. I am putting my trust in this Jesus. Christians don’t just believe- we believe in someone. Faith in God isn’t so much a recognition of Him than it is a relationship with Him. And as any husband, wife, friend or family member can tell you- to be in a successful relationship requires RISK and TRUST.

Let’s look again at our Scripture lesson from this morning. Here is this father who is desperate for help. He tells Jesus how his son is tormented by a spirit that has made him mute and throws him to the ground in convulsions. This father has done everything he can for his son, and nothing has worked. So he takes a risk. He says, “Jesus, if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

And Jesus picks up on this word, “if,” and we read this amazing statement: “All things can be done for the one who believes.” Jesus, in a way, is coming back with an “if” of his own. The man says help me if it’s possible. Jesus says everything is possible- if you believe, if you will put your trust in me.

At this point, if I had been the father, I’d have been temped to conjure up some certainty, or to fake it. “Oops- did I say if? I meant since- SINCE you can do anything!”

But that’s not what this father does. Instead, he offers himself in complete trust to Jesus. He knows that his faith isn’t perfect, and he doesn’t try to hide it. He believes, and he doubts. He trusts, and wants to trust more. He places the faith he does have in Jesus’ hands and waits for a response.

To say, “I believe” means risking and trusting God enough to enter into a relationship with Him. A surprisingly large number of people who think of themselves as Christians never get further than accepting the truth of Christianity. They believe that God is there- but they have never met him. They believe that God is able to forgive sins- but they have never allowed God to forgive their sins. They believe that God is reliable- but they have never relied on him.

Think of it this way: Suppose you developed a terrible infection. Your doctor prescribes an antibiotic that can cure it. But believing that penicillin can heal you isn’t enough. It is only by swallowing those pills that you can be cured. So it is with the gospel. Believing that it can transform you is one thing; allowing it to do just that is something else.

In the Apostles’ Creed, we say, “I believe.” I believe God is. We say, “I believe in…” I trust as much of myself as I can to this God. When I say, “I believe in God…” I am taking a step of trust, betting my life on the God who bet his life on me, demonstrating his commitment to us and love for us in the cross of Jesus Christ. In the words of Martin Luther, to say “I believe in God,” is a “free surrender, a joyous wager on the unseen, unknown, untested goodness of God.”

One of my personal heroes of faith is Henri Nouwen. For many years, Nouwen worked as a professor Christian theology at Harvard and Yale, until one day, he felt God call him to leave these esteemed institutions to serve in ministry at a home for physically and mentally disabled adults. Throughout those years, Nouwen wrote some very insightful and beautiful things about what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. During a period of personal sabbatical, Nouwen wrote about, of all things, paying a visit to the circus!

He was taken in especially by the trapeze act, a team of brothers who called themselves “The Flying Rodleighs.” He watched them perform, and then he got to know them, learning more about their craft.

There were 5 members in the act- 3 “flyers” and 2 “catchers.” The flyer climbs the steps, mounts the platform, and grasps the trapeze. He leaps off the platform, swinging through the air. He uses his body for momentum, swinging with increasing speed and height. The catcher hangs from his knees on another trapeze, with his hands free to reach out. Trapeze artists usually use a safety net nowadays, but even falling into one of those is dangerous and sometimes fatal.

The moment of truth comes when the flyer lets go. He sails into the air with no support, no connection to the earth. He does a somersault or two. Picture him in the middle of a somersault and freeze the frame. There is absolutely nothing, at the moment, to keep the flyer from plunging to his death. What do you think he feels like? Do you think he feels fully alive- every cell in his body screaming out? Thing he’s feeling any fear right then?

In the next moment the catcher swings into our view. He has been timing his arcs perfectly. He arrives just as the flyer loses momentum and is beginning to descend. His hands clasp the arms of the flyer. The flyer cannot see him; to the flyer, everything is a blur. But then, in an instant, the flyer feels himself snatched out of the air. The catcher takes the flyer home. And the flyer is very, very glad.

Nouwen spent some time getting to know the flyers. He learned that flyers are small, weighing 150 pounds or less, because if you’re a catcher, you don’t want a flyer with a sweet tooth. He learned about the equipment they used. They had socks filled with magnesium dry powder for their hands, because Joe was one of the catchers. They told Henri, “Joe sweats a lot.” and if you’re the flyer, you don’t want a catcher with sweaty hands.

Here’s where the trusting comes in. Letting go is always an act of trust. One of the flyers told Nouwen, “As a flyer, I must have complete trust in my catcher. The public might think I’m the star of the trapeze, but the real star is Joe, my catcher. He has to be there for me with split-second precision and grab me out of the air as I come to him in the long jump.”

Nouwen asked him, “How does it work?”

He answered, “The secret is that the flyer does nothing. The catcher does everything. When I fly to Joe, I have simply to stretch out my arms and hands and wait.”

Henri asked him, “You do nothing?”

“A flyer must fly and a catcher must catch. The flyer must trust with outstretched arms that his catcher will be there waiting for him,”

To say, “I believe” involves intellectual assent, it’s true. Saying “I believe in God,” takes humility and honesty. But in the end, confessing your faith in God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, in the words of this creed means letting go, taking a leap, and trusting that there will be someone there to catch you.

There is no way to God that bypasses the call to let go…. The truth is that we are all born holding onto a trapeze- a little trapeze we call our “life”. We hold on to it tightly: our security, our “okay-ness”, our success, our importance, our worth, our stuff, our bodies, our heath, our influence.

Then Jesus comes along and says: “You can let go of all that. You can let go of your life because Someone is holding it. Believe him or not. One day- maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, maybe 50 years from now- you will let go of this little trapeze of your “life,” and so will I.

Jesus believed that there is a Catcher, and he does not have sweaty hands.

Many thanks to a variety of sources for help and information for this sermon.
Alister McGrath, I Believe, Intervarsity Press, 1997
J.I. Packer, Affirming the Apostles’ Creed, CrossWay Books, 2008
John Ortberg, Faith & Doubt, Zondervan, 2008

Dilemma

I have a dilemma. Perhaps the internet (i.e. the people who read my meandering thoughts) can help me solve it.

We've lived in our house for exactly 8 days now. And we've only met one of our neighbors. BRIEFLY. He was sitting out in his yard, I saw him on my way out to meet a friend, so I went over to introduce myself. We chatted about our houses for approximately 2 minutes before my ride came to get me. That's the only neighborhoody goodness we've had so far.

Now, I know that the grown-up thing to do is to know your neighbors. It's what people who own and live in houses do. You learn each other's names, chat when you see each other out in your yards, and, if you seem to get along okay, borrow a cup of sugar every now and then. But here is my question... how do neighbors get to know each other intially? Whose job is it to make the first move?

I always thought that it was the "already-live-there" folks' job to welcome the "moving-in" kids. Aren't they supposed to come over and knock to say hello? Should we wait for them to do so? Is that the correct protcol?

Or is it kosher for me and Dave to go to their houses, possibly with yummy treats in hand, to introduce ourselves to them? Is that too eager? Would we be breaking some kind of unwritten neighbor code? Would we forever be branded THOSE neighbors?

I've said it before... There really should a new-homeowners' class. I don't know how to do this business.

First Fix-it Project

Dear Former-Showerhead,

I hate to say it, but it's just not going to work out between us. And it's not me, it's YOU.

When we first got into this relationship, I really thought that something might happen. Maybe it was presumptuous of me, but I began imagining what our life together might look like down the road. You'd spray ample amounts of water and I'd take long, satisfying showers. But from the very start, I was fooling myself. Instead of seeing you for YOU, I was projecting all my hopes and wishes onto you and simply hoping you'd grow and change and become the showerhead I wanted you to be. But that's just not fair to you OR me. The truth is, you are not a good showerhead. You DON'T provide amble amounts of water. You dribble. And I think you might even be spraying some other people on the side. Don't try and hide it. I know. I've talked to Dave.

So I am starting to see someone else, Former-Showerhead. It started as a casual thing, in the aisles of Menards, but I can already see that New-Showerhead is really going to provide for my needs in ways you never could. I used a wrench to make sure he was installed good and tight, so I'm pretty sure he's here to stay. I think it would be easier for all us of if you would just go. Don't go away mad. Just go away.

Sincerely,
Becca

Happy Anniversary to us!

Question: What does it take to make Becca happy for her 2nd anniversary?
Answer: A fun-filled, fabulous trip to St. Louis for the weekend.

Question: What does it take to make Dave happy for his 2nd anniversary?
Answer: Pizza.

My life is admirably arranged.

Now to be fair, Dave didn't just want ANY pizza. Noticing that I had recently purchased an eggplant from the Farmers' Market, Dave forwarded me a recipe for Grilled Eggplant and Olive Pizza. Sounded good to me!

Now, Blo-No is not so much a fancy, cosmopolitan town wherein one can walk into any grocery store and find pre-made pizza dough that is not a crappy Boboli crust. So I thought myself rather ingenious to go and get some dough from Papa Murphys. They sell uncooked pizza, surely they will sell uncooked dough. Not so much. Really?? Come on, pops. So I ordered a cheese "pizza" with no sauce. That'll show them! Take my $8 for flour and yeast and water! I win!

Anyhow... BEST. Pizza. EVER. I was full after 2 pieces, but kind of wished I could expand my stomach so that I could fit 2 more pieces in. If only they made Grilled Olive and Eggplant flavored gum.... mmmm.......